“Oh.” This was my husband’s response when he opened my Christmas present to him.
“Don’t you like it?” I said.
“It’s… well.. it’s more of a punishment than a present.”
“Oh.” I replied.
I had bought him a two month mindfulness course run by psychologist, Shelly Chauhan.
My husband is a Type 1 diabetic. His moods swing alongside his blood sugars. As well as tackling his eating, I thought it would great for him to have a go at learning to meditate and apply mindfulness to his daily life.
Before the first session, he was grumpy. “I’m not going to like this,” he told me. And as an afterthought: “But thank you anyway.”
Off he went on a Tuesday night. He returned at ten pm, by which time I was already asleep. I know. I’m lame these days. I felt myself being shaken, quite vigorously. I thought something awful had happened.
“What?” my voice was shaking.
And for the next hour and a half, I had to listen about… well… pretty much everything he had learned that night. I haven’t seen him that excited since his football team won…well… anything. (Spurs, if you must know.)
This week, I’ve had real trouble being mindful on the I Quit Sugar programme. I keep thinking about Olly and how calm and amazing he’s been since he’s started the course. But every time I think about sugar, and what I’m going to eat, my mind starts going crazy. I’m thinking about the food I could eat only two weeks ago: Lovely caramel ice-creams, sharply-flavoured salt and vinegar crisps, buttery, crumbly fudge. And then I start to get cross that I can’t have any of them. I know how irrational this all is, given how I know sugar screws the body.
I know how it affects my husband when he’s having a blood sugar high. I’ve seen him, unconscious, being tested for brain function. I know how it affects me. The overwhelming cravings. The ‘I can’t live without it’ mentality. The instant energy boost I think it gives me and then the awful, awful slump.
So not only did I have mental cravings, I was being the total opposite of mindful. Whatever that is.
Darn you, sugar.
My sister told me to repeat, every night before bed, that I dislike crisps/ sugar *junk food. I’m going to try that and I’m going to try and be mindful and see if that helps.
I’ve been on the I Quit Sugar forum a lot this week. I also weighed myself and I’d put on four pounds. I asked my Mother-in-Law six times if her scales were correct and she said they were. I do not know how this has happened but I’m hoping it’s a blip.
The recipes on the I Quit Sugar are all delicious. Things I would choose in a restaurant and still really easy to make, although I made some swaps, eg butternut squash for pumpkin. More out of ease because they were ingredients I already had.
I found this week a huge struggle. Mainly because I was very tired and so kept making the association between energy and sugar.
I’m really, really hoping that things change next week. I’m hoping I can carry on.
In the meantime, I’ve discovered that my previous snack recipe (Nut butter, cocoa nibs, cinnamon) is even more delicious with a tiny sprinkling of salt. If I shut my eyes and pretend, it’s almost, almost like I’m eating salted caramel. *lies down on the floor and dies of happiness.